Beware of Moose Farts!

I think we have figured out "global warming." Al Gore and crew have told us that global warming is caused by humans. We're destroying the earth by the cars we drive, the lightbulbs we use, the factories we work at, etc. But this story reveals what is really happening. It isn't just the humans causing global warming, but the moose are in on it as well. No really...I'm serious.

The media is reporting that a moose belches and farts per equal equals that of a car driving 13,000 kilometers.

The article reports:

The poor old Scandinavian moose is now being blamed for climate change, with
researchers in Norway claiming that a grown moose can produce 2,100 kilos of
carbon dioxide a year -- equivalent to the CO2 output resulting from a 13,000
kilometer car journey.

So, basically what is happening is that the moose in Norway are contributing to global warming at a much faster rate than cars are. The article also reveals that there are currently about 120,000 moose in Norway alone. So the moose population in Norway are putting out 252,000,000 kilos of CO2! That's a lot of global warming.

So I wonder what Al Gore is going to do to stop this? Will switching to hybrids solve this problem? What if we change our lifestyles, our lightbulbs, or the food we buy?

I know what will work. We should do to the moose what global warming kooks are wanting to do to humans. If we are serious about stopping global warming, then drastic times means drastic measures. According to Newsweek, one author is proposing that there should be a virus epidemic that wipes all humans off the face of the earth, leaving the earth with only animals and plants. No really...he's serious. His name is Alan Weisman.

Weisman has written the book, "The World Without Us," where his solution to saving the planet is eliminating humans on the earth. The problem with this solution is that it can't be proven. How will we know it worked if there is no one to measure the earths climate? We all know the monkeys and bumble bees won't. Weisman's suggestion is absurd, but whenever you have climate change kooks in the media, he is taken very serious.

So, what is my solution? Well it should be obvious. If humans and moose are causing global warming, and eliminating humans is the answer, then if is clear to me that the moose must be taken out as well. It only makes sense. Maybe Newsweek will pick up on my suggestion and do an article on me.

And, according to the article reporting about the moose, it seems like this process is already underway. The article reports:

Norway has some 120,000 moose but an estimated 35,000 are expected to be killed in this year's moose hunting season, which starts on September 25, Norwegian newspaper VG reported.

As we can already see here folks is that the hunters, who have been demeaned by animal rights activists and other kooks, are the solution to the problem in Norway. Of course the problem with this article is that they do not report how many moose will be born. I'm guessing around 35,000. If this is the case, since all animals procreate, then Norway will keep their 120,000 moose population, therefore, they will continue to put an unbelievable amount of CO2 in the atmosphere due to their belches and farts.

Therefore, we must hunt more of the moose. And to keep them from procreate, we need to feed them birth control, just like what Hollywood is doing to the pigeons. Again, drastic times means drastic measures, and if we are serious about stopping global warming, then these are the things we need to consider.

But there is another problem. Moose aren't the only animals contributing to global warming. So are cows. I grew up on a farm, no wonder summertime was hot (that and it was summer time when the weather is always hot). Spiegal Online suggests that in order to keep cows from contributing to global warming, we should change their diet. But I don't think that will work either, because no matter what you feed cows or moose, they are going to keep farting and belching.

But there is hope for our cows. America is addicted to fast food, and it takes a lot of cows to feed Americans their hamburgers. Therefore, we should add more fast food chains around America so that more cows will be slaughtered. I know it sounds mean, but if they are contributing to global warming, then they should be wiped out, just as Weisman suggests eliminating humans. And so, we should eliminate everything that contributes to global warming before we eliminate ourselves, just so that we can make sure that the earth will be safe.

So, I guess that will solve it right? Unless there are other things that cause global warming. Is there? Let me think...yup, there are a few things that do. Essentially, anything that produces CO2, through belching, farting, or breathing, is guilty of causing global warming. And also, even plants are causing global warming. So I guess we need to get rid of them too.
Well, I guess it is official how to get stop global warming; exstinguish everything living thing on earth, animals, plants, and humans. At that point, mother nature will be safe from global warming and everything will be back to normal.

Until everything guilty of producing CO2 and green house gases, please keep your farts to yourself!

It makes me wonder...how have we survived this long with everything contributing to the harm of the planet? Just a thought.

Here is an article reporting about this moose problem:

The poor old Scandinavian moose is now being blamed for climate change, with
researchers in Norway claiming that a grown moose can produce 2,100 kilos of
carbon dioxide a year -- equivalent to the CO2 output resulting from a 13,000
kilometer car journey.

Norway is concerned that its national animal, the moose, is harming the climate by emitting an estimated 2,100 kilos of carbon dioxide a year through its belching and farting.

Norwegian newspapers, citing research from Norway's technical university, said a motorist would have to drive 13,000 kilometers in a car to emit as much CO2 as a moose does in a year.

Bacteria in a moose's stomach create methane gas which is considered
even more destructive to the environment than carbon dioxide gas. Cows pose the same problem (more...).

Norway has some 120,000 moose but an estimated 35,000 are expected to be killed in this year's moose hunting season, which starts on September 25, Norwegian newspaper VG reported.