The Keller's offer a detail look into Paul's words in Ephesians 5 regarding marriage. Each chapter looks carefully at what Paul, and more broadly the whole Bible, teaches on the many important issues in marriage like friendship, gender roles, sex, singleness, etc. But what I loved most about this book wasn't just his advice towards couples, but his emphasis on marriage being a picture of the gospel. What makes this book so rich is that it is a book that has the gospel as its driving force. They write, for example:
In Ephesians 5, Paul shows us that even on earth Jesus did not use his power to oppress us but sacrificed everything to bring us into union with him. And this takes us beyond the philosophical to the personal and the practical. If God had the gospel of Jesus's salvation in ind when he established marriage, then marriage only 'works' to the degree that approximates the pattern of God's self-giving love in Christ. What Paul is saying not only answers the objection that marriage is oppressive and restrictive,but it also addresses the sense that the demands of marriage are overwhelming. There is so much to do that we don't know where to start. Start here, Paul says. Do for your spouse what God did for you in Jesus, and the rest will follow.
This is the secret - that the gospel of Jesus and marriage explain one another. That when God invented marriage, he already had the saving work of Jesus in mind. (47-48)
This is just music to my ears. Marriage is about the gospel. It isn't about you, your plans, your ideals, nor is marriage to be a picture of chick flicks, Disney fairy tales, or romance novels, but of the gospel. Its about Jesus, the cross, the resurrection, and the glory of God. I am saying something about the gospel in my relationship with my wife. How I treat her, love her, serve her, sacrifice for her, and lead. Its about the gospel.
This is the argument that drives the book. Marriage isn't about me. Its about my spouse. Its about the Savior. This is the key to happiness in marriage. You will be more happy when you serve your spouse, not demand from them. He writes:
Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy and you will find a new and deeper happiness. Many couples have discovered this wonderful, unlooked-for reality. Why would this be true? It is because marriage is 'instituted of God.' It was established by the God for whom self-giving love is an essential attribute, and therefore it reflects his nature, particularly as it is revealed in the person and work of Jesus Christ. (59)
Central to this understanding is how we understand the Trinity. Though Keller might have gone in more detail here, he makes it clear that we can only understand and apply the gospel to marriage when we understand the Trinity and how they relate to one another. They serve one another and love one another even though there seems to be, if we could use the word, a sort of hierarchy within the Trinity. The Son clearly submitted Himself to the Father as does the Spirit, yet they are in an eternal loving dance without jealousy or abuse. This, in fact, explains the gospel. Christ would not have sacrificed Himself in obedience to the Father without this loving relationship with the Father. Christ died in obedience to God. Imagine that! Yet how can we nag, whine, demand, and complain about everything in our marriages?
Consider for example the question of co-habitation. The authors brilliantly show what this says about love.
But when the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of this person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are you willing to invest in this person? And for that, the marriage vow is not just helpful but it is even a test. In so many cases, when one person says to another, 'I love you, but let's not ruin it by getting married,' that person really means, 'I don't love you enough to close of all my options. I don't love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly.' To say, 'I don't need a piece of paper to love you' is basically to say, 'My love for you has not reached the marriage level.' (78)
More could be said about this book. In all of its discussions and advice, what makes it s a great book is that it is focused on the gospel as revealed in Scripture. Compared to other books on marriage, the emphasis isn't on just the sexual aspect (though there is an entire chapter dedicated to the subject), but on the gospel. Its the gospel stupid and it is rare that such books come along.
Many have already praised this book and rightfully so, but I can't think of any better compliment to give to the authors than to say that one cannot read this book without a more profound appreciation, understanding, and love for the gospel and how that affects our relationships, our lives, and our marriages. I highly recommend this well written, gospel-centered book.
For more:
Reviews - "Generous Justice" by Timothy Keller
Reviews - "The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World"
Reviews - "The Prodigal God"
Blogizomai - "Is Hell For Real Or Does Everyone go To Heaven?"
Blogizomai - "After All, We'll Never Be the Right One Either": Stonestreet on "The Right One" Fairy Tale
Reviews - "Real Marriage" by Mark & Grace Driscoll
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