Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Having Fun With Dan Brown's New Book

In case you cared (and who doesn't?), Dan Brown, best-selling author of The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, is out with a new book. In spite of the books success, which mix fiction with conspiracies with history (minus the history part), critics have opined that Brown is a terrible writer. Critics have had little good to say about Brown the writer.

His new book, called Inferno (inspired, I guess we could say, by Dante's Inferno) is out today. The reviews are already coming out and one of the best written pieces I've ever read on Brown is in today's Telegraph. Here is how it begins:

Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. The critics.

Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol.

The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.

Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it?
 
I’ll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”

This is a great piece of satire and I encourage you to read the whole thing here


*Update

The fun continues. The folks at First Things have joined the fray in a post simply titled Dan Brown Can't Write. Here's a taste:

See also The Eight Worst Sentences in Dan Brown’s Inferno. For example:
Chapter 5: Emerging from the darkness, a scene began to take shape . . . the interior of a cave . . . or a giant chamber of some sort. The floor of the cavern was water, like an underground lake.
A giant chamber – perhaps like a cave! And a giant cave with a watery floor – why, you’re right, that is like an underground lake. Uncannily so, in fact.
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